Restaurant Sign

Fun with DC++

Yesterday evening, I was downloading music off the school network, DC++. Led Zeppelin, Depeche Mode, Bon Jovi, things like that. Then I realized that it'd be a funny joke to play on people if I were to change "Have a nice day" to "Hot Lesbian Sex". I watched as within minutes this file got like 100 downloads (not too astounding given the no. of horny 17 yr. olds at our school). Then I got a wonderful awful idea. What if, perhaps, I was to change some of these names to sick pornography titles? I wonder if I'd get any bites? And this is where the fun begins.

The first title I put up was "Naked boys dancing and eating cake." I sat in anticipation, waiting for my first download. Success, the first download came. Then the second. Then the third. This baby was steamrolling down the information super highway like a trucker with a hardon that has 2 miles left to the next truck stop. Before I knew it, I was getting twenty downloads. Then thirty. Then fifty. Can you imagine that in the end, rather than getting dancing boys naked and indulging themselves with sweets and frolicking in a dewy meadow, one-hundred thirty two people got a disappointing video of Led Zeppelin performing "Dazed and Confused" in front of a live audience? At this point, I had no choice but to continue.

The second title I put up was "My Ex-Girlfriend mowing the lawn naked(HOT)". I thought that this was too far out to get any downloads. Alas, I was wrong. It got a download. Then two. Then thirty. In the end, a hundred and twenty two sweaty, drooling fudges wanted to see my ex girlfriend mow the lawn stark naked. Come to think of it, she's not even that hot. Rather then get their lawn-mowing beauty, they got the song "Hit me baby one more time."

For the third title, I decided to transform "I want it that way - by the Backstreet Boys" into the more intriguing "Elephant cock horse." I wish I could say I was kidding when this thing was downloaded eighty nine times. I guess there is something about horses and elephants showing their cocks that bring out the best in people. I nearly died of laughter at this point. "How can nearly a hundred ppl. want to see naked animals? They're ALWAYS naked!" For sanctity's sake, we're going to leave this as a mystery. I wonder if I turned some people on to the Backstreet Boys, hopefully distracting them long enough to forget that masturbating to horse and elephant genitalia are not really something their mothers would be proud of.

I couldn't stop myself from doing another. "Grandma Bingo Sex." Short and sweet. Surely not a common scenario, and surely not a scenario that would arouse many a twisted psyche. Apparently I know nothing about the human psyche. Forty five. FORTY FIVE PPL. would like to see grandma getting bent over the bingo table, game card in hand, getting donkey punched by a 90 year old addle brained porn star. I rubbed my eyes just to double check. My eyes had to be lying to my brain. My penis had shriveled to the size of a 2 day old Wendys chicken nugget.
They asked for Grandma.
They got Ashley Simpson.

At this point I had to start taking puffs of my albuteral inhaler to keep from suffocating myself with laughter. "Girl on girl toe insertion (LEGAL)" was my next proud creation. Everyone likes girl on girl action, so everyone won't feel like such dumb-asses after downloading this footy piece of crap. Never underestimate the inertia traveling behind a toe inserting itself into a rectum, friends. It's like a fudging semi hurling down the 401 in the noonday sun. One hundred twelve people wanted to jerk to this. God have mercy on us.

At this point, for some odd reason, the user name "Enraged Baboon" popped into my head. "Enraged Baboon fudging a nipple factory." No way in hell would this get many downloads. Who could possibly type in any or all of those keywords? I guess people like seeing sweaty red-ass baboons, nostrils flaring, banging their chests like Marky Mark in the movie "Fear", having sex WITH each other in a factory that produces baby-bottle nipples. Imagine what those children would look like. Five people typed those magic words into DC++, and got a hot steaming pile of monkey love. Well, it was Nsync, but a man can dream, cant he?

This could all seem very disturbing. My final experiment, however, made me dizzy as my precious sack retreated into my pelvis. ...more than 145 people...ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY FIVE disgusting, drooling, perverted, fudged up people, wielding a box of Puffs Plus and a tube of Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion, bright eyed and bushy tailed, wanted to see "Fags at SMC attempting gay sex(hidden cam)" I was like....W T F?!

Ladies and gentlemen: this is why I have lost every last ounce of faith in humanity.
If I may quote Method:
"You're going to make a lot of sick people very unhappy."


Now back to chem. studying....

25th hr.

Great monologue from the movie 25th Hour.....

Fuck me? Fuck you! Fuck you and this whole city and everyone in it. Fuck the panhandlers, grubbing for money, and smiling at me behind my back. Fuck the squeegee men dirtying up the clean windshield of my car. Get a fucking job! Fuck the Sikhs and the Pakistanis bombing down the avenues in decrepit cabs, curry steaming out their pores, stinking up my day. Terrorists in fucking training. SLOW THE FUCK DOWN! Fuck the Chelsea boys with their waxed chests and pumped up biceps. Going down on each other in my parks and on my piers, jingling their dicks on my Channel 35. Fuck the Korean grocers with their pyramids of overpriced fruit and their tulips and roses wrapped in plastic. Ten years in the country, still no speaky English? Fuck the Russians in Brighton Beach. Mobster thugs sitting in cafés, sipping tea in little glasses, sugar cubes between their teeth. Wheelin' and dealin' and schemin'. Go back where you fucking came from! Fuck the black-hatted Hasidim, strolling up and down 47th street in their dirty gabardine with their dandruff. Selling South African apartheid diamonds! Fuck the Wall Street brokers. Self-styled masters of the universe. Michael Douglas, Gordon Gecko wannabe mother fuckers, figuring out new ways to rob hard working people blind. Send those Enron assholes to jail for FUCKING LIFE! You think Bush and Cheney didn't know about that shit? Give me a fucking break! Tyco! Worldcom! Fuck the Puerto Ricans. 20 to a car, swelling up the welfare rolls, worst fuckin' parade in the city. And don't even get me started on the Dom-in-i-cans, 'cause they make the Puerto Ricans look good. Fuck the Bensonhurst Italians with their pomaded hair, their nylon warm-up suits, their St. Anthony medallions, swinging their, Jason Giambi, Louisville slugger, baseball bats, trying to audition for the Sopranos. Fuck the Upper East Side wives with their Hermes scarves and their fifty-dollar Balducci artichokes. Overfed faces getting pulled and lifted and stretched, all taut and shiny. You're not fooling anybody, sweetheart! Fuck the uptown brothers. They never pass the ball, they don't want to play defense, they take fives steps on every lay-up to the hoop. And then they want to turn around and blame everything on the white man. Slavery ended one hundred and thirty seven years ago. Move the fuck on! Fuck the corrupt cops with their anus violating plungers and their 41 shots, standing behind a blue wall of silence. You betray our trust! Fuck the priests who put their hands down some innocent child's pants. Fuck the church that protects them, delivering us into evil. And while you're at it, fuck JC! He got off easy! A day on the cross, a weekend in hell, and all the hallelujahs of the legioned angels for eternity! Try seven years in fuckin' Otisville, J! Fuck Osama Bin Laden, Al Qaeda, and backward-ass, cave-dwelling, fundamentalist assholes everywhere. On the names of innocent thousands murdered, I pray you spend the rest of eternity with your seventy-two whores roasting in a jet-fueled fire in hell. You towel headed camel jockeys can kiss my royal Irish ass!

The end.....

The reason for my lack of posting was because I had forgotten my username =\P

I had nothing to do one tuesday nite after work, and I came across this blogsite that publishes the secrets of random strangers all over the web

Some of the submissions are kind of amusing:

Some (a lot) of them are quite disturbing:

and some are just plain weird:


On a totally unrelated note, I'm so glad it rained today since my lawn was beginning to look like roadkill. If there's one thing I hate, it's watering the grass. In my opinion, watering the lawn is even worse than mowing the lawn, and it doesn't help that my sprinklers are 10 yrs. old. At least you're getting some sort of workout by mowing the lawn, albeit a shitty workout since I own a gasoline mower. That reminds me of my (ex) neighbour who used to ask if she could mow my lawn for free (using a hand driven cutter) since she was some environment activist (read: freak) or something. I let her do it once so she wouldn't go greenpeace on me. Hell, I told her she could do my front yard, backyard, AND give me a full body massage if she felt like it.

I'll post more stuff next time since I've gotta go read some research articles....ever since I started my job at Organization XXX (nope, it's not some adult film company unfortunately), I've been spending less time doing my research. Needless to say, I'm quite behind.

btw, is anyone interested (to the 3 or so ppl. who's seen this blog, lol) in going rafting or tubing sometime?

This is my first blog

Testing

this is someone doing a little dance.
Great stuff

- Can someone teach me how to link to other blogs? I'm an html noob